You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
