Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
