She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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