do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
