:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
