Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
