How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
