I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
