i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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