IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
3 2 1 whiskey
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
