after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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