dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
