let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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