I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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