I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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