Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
