Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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