Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think i have herpe
just one?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
