Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
