life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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