If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
