proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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