3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
