Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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