i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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