this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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