Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
