Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I supernannyed him into submission
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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