Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
