I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
