What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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