Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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