Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
