i was born a porn star she said
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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