You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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