Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
