I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
