so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
