i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
