It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
