I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
