How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
