Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
