don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
