To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
