my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
handjob tips. give me some.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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