i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
