what if every blade of grass was a penis?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
