Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
jump out the window naked night went bad
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