the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
