dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
