mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
