We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
