meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
