I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
