A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
