She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
