No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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