Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
