Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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