where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
