i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
