I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
