I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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